Feeling of Love

I have developed feelings for someone, I see on a regular basis. I am having a rough time because this person is a very mellow, emotionally stable person and not someone who is going to get caught up in emotions like I tend to get. I just want to throw it all out to the wind and take my emotions where ever they want to go. I know from previous relationships that it may not be a good way to handle things especially at this time. There are also other factors involved including a large age difference that my aunt and uncle are not so sure about, not being financially independent, and the fact my divorce was just finalized in December. I don't want a rebound relationship. But this guy is different from my ex-husband. This guy is patient, kind, considerate, RESPECTFUL, and is just the sweetest thing around. The respectfulness is the big quality I like. He is not gorgeous or scholarly and I don't have the same feelings I had for my ex-husband at one time that I have with him. The feelings I have seem more stable, comfortable, and permanent. Sometimes I wonder why he hasn't been caught up in marriage at least somewhere down the road. The thing is I don't know much about his personal life but know some of his professional life. I know how he is with me and the activity-dancing-we do together. I am starting to get a glimpse of his emotions and how he handles things when he is not happy with something. He tends to talk about it like he has been offended and questions what has happened when there was no follow through. He has a lot of energy and is a joiner. He want to connect people to other people with similar interests. He is an extrovert and gets along with anyone and everyone. He is such a people person and I am such an introvert who likes people but I like my time to myself as well. He mellows me out. He can do a whole dance without talking and puts me at such ease that I don't feel the pressure to talk either. He leads and I follow. He thinks about what to do next and all I have to do is follow. I make a mistake and he just ignores it and goes on. He makes it easy and comfortable for me. Things I have never experienced with any guy. I just can't wait to see him again in dance class every week. Has this turned into a relationship yet? Yes and No, I know I can count on him being at dance class every week and when he sees me he is happy to see me. He smiles and he rushes me into class when I am late. He picks me to be his partner for the learning part of the class and tends to keep me on the dance floor for most of the songs. He portrays through his body language that he is happy to see me. At this time, this is all I should be pursuing anyways. If it is meant to be God will make it happen in time and when all individuals are ready to deal with it. It is hard for me to keep my feelings in check and I can't make others respond to how I am feeling at my pace. I have to just let it happen. You know what is funny about this whole thing was when I first met him, I didn't necessarily like him. His character has said a lot to my soul. Just a thought.

Feelings-can't ignore feelings

I have been itching to blog. I never enjoyed writing as much as I do now. Most of the time, my writing just flows and I can knock out a page in 20 minutes flat. I think that's fast but maybe not. I am better at organizing my thoughts, and expressing my feeling/thoughts, whatever the case may be at the time. I find my self in better balance with my emotions as well. I am not blowing up as easy or at the littlest things. It is amazing what just a little bit of writing can do for someone. One of my assignments when I was in 10th grade was to write for 20 minutes. If I couldn't write anything, I just had to write I couldn't think of anything until I could. I usually only had to write I couldn't think of anything twice and was able to put something down on the paper for the remainder of the time. By just writing I can organize my thoughts and feelings so they are not only understandable to myself but also to others. Just a thought.

Going off Kilter

I don't see myself as an emotional person. However at times I am. I never liked that quality in myself. I find if I don't get enough exercise or I don't take enough time for myself my emotions can take over me. I have to pay close attention to my moods and what my body is telling me. On Friday, I did not write (blog), another way to address my feeling and emotions, or workout or speak with my stephen minister and I felt totally out of kilter. I felt frustrated with my lack of clients at work, and I felt bad physically. This weekend when I couldn't workout because the workout facility was closed to members who want to work out for its grand opening, I was starting to get snappy. I finally was able to workout on Monday and felt better. My emotions play a large part in what I do and I work hard at taking care of myself. I have limitations and know I have a short temper and little patience if I don't take care of myself. By admitting I am an emotional person, I feel like an alcoholic in alcoholic annonymous. Hello, my name is C... and I am an emotional person. I guess I see being an emotional person as a negative aspect of myself and not a positive one. Just a thought.